I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
