also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
