So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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