need another drink. this is the easiest way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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