bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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