u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
