Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
