New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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