you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
