Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
