Kiss
Puke
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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