i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
