found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
