There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
