I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
