Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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