I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
