so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
