you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
