The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
