he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
