I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
