I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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