She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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