moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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