So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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