Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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