God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
