you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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