We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
