I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
