whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
