did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the day after is always just damage control
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
