I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
