You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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