i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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