May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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