I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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