Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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