what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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