You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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