I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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