Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize