What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
