my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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