How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
