mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
