yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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