I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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