Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The feeling are messing with the penis
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
