just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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