you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
