maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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