3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
