Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
