you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
