Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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