Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize