morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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