like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize