The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
