I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
