She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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