i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
