i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
