I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
