So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
