I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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