grandma shit on top of the toilet
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
