three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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