I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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