I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
