Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
