I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
