So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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