Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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