I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
