Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
