Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
