she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
